Boasting more than 400 million active users, as of this posting as many people have Facebook accounts as live in the United States and the Philippines combined. According to Facebook’s press page, the average user spends 55 minutes a day on the site interacting with 130 friends and sends out eight friend requests each month.
Along with letting you try your hand at farming and becoming the world champion Farkle player (whatever that is), Facebook has reunited families and friends from years (and dare I say lives) gone by, allowing them to interact on a daily basis crossing national, political, and generational boundaries. It has also become a viable marketing tool industries ranging from international for profit corporations to small public school districts and everything in between.
Logging on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter to find you have 356 friends or 1489 followers can do a lot for your self 
esteem, especially on those days when your skinny jeans won’t button and your significant other forgot your anniversary. But every once in a while don’t you just have to ask yourself, “Who the heck are these people?”
Looking at my profile, I’m definitely an average Facebook user, not an excessive amount of friends, and as Facebook predicts, I probably get about eight friend requests a month. Of those, I’d guess that five people legitimately want to be my friend. The other three were likely suggested by Facebook’s super smart computer predictor program (called a feed algorithm), suggested by a well meaning mutual friend, or is someone looking to boost their numbers or stir up some business.
If you are one of the people in those last three categories, here are four reasons you don’t have to be my Facebook friend.
1. You have no idea who I am.
I know where you’re coming from. Your cousin Barry suggested me as a friend, you clicked on my profile and saw that we both love NCIS, and you are worried about what you’ll tell Barry if he asks about it at Thanksgiving, so you send me a friend request even though you don’t have a clue who I am. Let me put your mind at ease; Barry doesn’t actually care if we’re friends. He suggested me as a friend because Facebook prompted him to. And although it’s true that I’m delightful and mildly witty on occasion, our mutual love of Agent Gibbs will likely not be enough to carry our relationship to fruition and you will probably end up hiding me from your wall when you get tired of hearing me talk about potty training some little kid you will never meet in a state you will never visit.
2. I stole your boyfriend
. . . Or stuffed you in a locker, ignored you at lunch every day, laughed at you in front of the girl you were in love with, etc. I officially plead “Not Guilty” to all of the above, but the truth is most of us did things in high school and college that we aren’t particularly proud of. I mean, who knew that 20 years after graduation we would all be connected via the Internet? Who knew there would be an Internet?
Nevertheless, I am also a believer that most of us are not the people we were in high school or college and sometimes we want to make amends and connect with people from our past. Surprisingly, we may want to connect with the very people we weren’t so nice to. If this is the case, instead of sending a blank friend request (the Facebook default) how about adding a little personal note. Nothing earth shattering, just something like, “Hey Kristen, I know we haven’t talked since seventh grade – and during that class we didn’t so much talk as I put gum in your hair and cheated off your algebra test, but I’m married and have a family and see that you do too. What do you say we put the past and the parachute pants behind us and be Facebook friends?”
3. I am trying to sell you something
Social media is all about relationships and if I haven’t developed a relationship with you then you have every right to delete my friend request if the only thing I’m after is the sale. (Unless you are offering me a free bag of Oreos. Then I’m in). I joke about the Oreos, but it brings up a good point. If someone is offering you something of value, whether it is delicious cream filled cookie sandwiches, information, reward points, or the best seats at the little league tee ball game, then you have to decide if the benefits are worth your loyalty. I know it seems just as easy to hit “become a fan” to every request that comes along, but you have the right to be a fan only when you are a fan.
4. I dated you or you dated my husband.
This is a tricky and some what controversial topic. Earlier this week my husband asked me how many ex-boyfriends I was friends with on Facebook. There are three, which means I can’t in good conscience tell you that you should absolutely never friend an ex. However, I will tell you that before I friend anyone whom I believe could cause a riff in my marriage (those three included), I tell my husband who they are, the nature and seriousness of our relationship, and ask if he is comfortable with me accepting their request. And while he was comfortable with these particular friends, there are other people from my past (some whom I dated, and others with whom I was simply associated) that he would not be comfortable with me friending.
As with anything in marriage (or a committed relationship), communication is the key. Realize that accepting a friend request from an ex gives that person a great deal of access into your life, which makes it a valid topic of discussion for you and your significant other before accepting (or making) a request.
In social media, as in life, bigger is not always better and the quality of our friends is much more important than the quantity.
Photo Credit: Mr. Topf – http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrtopf/3086953409/sizes/o/
